January 13, 2025
Introduction: In this article – the first of a three-part series – Jessica Edwards writes about a dilemma she recently faced that most family historians confront: planning what to do with family heirlooms and memorabilia after you’re gone. Jessica has had a lifelong interest in her family’s history, and has documented and added more than 37,000 people to her family tree!
In the last few years I have felt the years creeping on, bringing thoughts of what will happen when I die. No, I don’t mean spiritually – but rather, I’m thinking about what my belongings are and who will get them.
I have always been more “family oriented” than my siblings or cousins and more interested in things that have played a part in my family’s history. Some items are easier to deal with, like my family tree, as that has been placed on several levels of genealogy websites (ranging from those that pertained to my maternal family to those available to anyone researching the many offshoots of my family).
Inevitably I come back to this question: what about the rest of my physical items?
Photo credit: https://depositphotos.com/home.html
Our family history shows my maternal side being cash poor but memory rich, while my paternal side leans more toward the other way (although it depends on the individual). My parents were collectors of some items that could be slightly valuable to an antiques dealer or possibly even a better class of secondhand store – but these objects were part of their history. So, what should I do?
I never had children myself, so the recipients would be my brother and sister and immediate cousins. But when I start trying to discuss the subject, I usually get one of two responses: “I’m not into collecting family memories”; or “just leave it in a will and I’ll get what you want me to have.” Both responses always bring up thoughts of sadness and loss in family memories/history (which means family to me). So, what do I do?
I decided to first make a list of what things have come to me from my parents, grandparents, etc., and then I began to write notes for each item on how they came to me and what they mean to me. A great example is some inexpensive dinnerware my mother left me which she won at a carnival by tossing some ping pong balls, as well as some items collected by attending a movie.
The dinnerware may not seem too important – but I had uncovered that to do both of these activities (attend the carnival, and go to the movie) my mother had to save for months.
Next, I set up what parameters I wanted: memorabilia goes to those who have children, to increase the likelihood that it will be passed down. If no family members were interested, then I would offer the item(s) to museums that were either in the area my grandparents lived or that dealt with the immigrant experience (my maternal relatives had come from the Slavic regions of the world in the late 1800s). Since family means so much to me, I could not foresee the lack of response in either instance.
In preparing to face what to do with my belongings I read the following suggestions:
(1) Because your family members can have vastly different values associated with certain heirlooms and keepsakes, and you may have little idea about how each person feels, you should speak with each family member in advance. By talking with family members about their feelings and expectations regarding your possessions ahead of time, you will have a much better idea how to distribute these items to your loved ones with the least amount of conflict.
(2) Additionally, you should decide ahead of time if you need to have any of your heirlooms or keepsakes appraised. In doing so, you provide your heirs with the necessary documentation to gauge the monetary value of these items, and you can save them from extra work while they are mourning your death.
Photo credit: https://depositphotos.com/home.html
I then contacted my maternal side, as most of the items I regarded as heirlooms were from that side of the family (whereas my brother ended up with most of the paternal side’s heirlooms) and offered them the items now. That way, instead of having to pay an inheritance tax in the future, they could just pay the shipping costs now (or come to where I was living and get the items).
All I wanted for me was the chance to take a photograph of the item with them for my memories, and the promise that they would try to pass the object down to their children and grandchildren (the key word to me was the term “try”).
Out of my two siblings and six cousins on that side of the family, four had no children (so weren’t offered the items). Of the remaining four only one showed interest – in the dinnerware as well as some of the textiles. One of their sons was interested in the family trunk made almost completely by my maternal grandfather (all but the metal lock – he tanned the leather for the straps and made the trunk itself from wood that had been salvaged from a huge chicken coop on the property).
I sent photos and estimates on shipping costs for the items they were interested in. Some were accepted while others were rejected (prepare yourself emotionally for this).
Most of the relatives were only interested in things they could sell almost immediately. Of course, if I wanted the items to be sold I could do that and benefit financially myself. Instead, I wanted to pass along stuff that shouldn’t be lost or sold: family memories.
The responses from the museums were that they were interested in some of the items if I paid the shipping costs. Since I live on a modest income I can’t afford to donate these shipping costs.
Sadly, I’ve had to deal with the almost certain outcome that these family heirlooms will be lost to future generations of my family, and I’ve turned my efforts to what I can afford to pass on before I die: memories and the family tree.
Now the question is: what should you do with your family memorabilia/heirlooms? Only you can decide that, but I will be passing on a few ideas to think about in part 2 of this series tomorrow.
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Note on the header image: family heirlooms (not from the author’s collection). Photo credit: https://depositphotos.com/home.html
